Warmth vs. Charisma: Which One Do You Lead With?

Dawn Westrum
Nov 18
2 min read

Some people walk into a room and instantly feel magnetic. Others are liked, but not always remembered. What separates the two? It comes down to the balance of warmth and competence — the two pillars of charisma.

Vanessa Van Edwards even maps this out on a graph: one axis is Warmth, the other is Competence.

The Warmth Factor

Warmth signals: I’m safe, I’m approachable, you’ll like me.

✅ What to do:

Genuine smiles (eyes included).
Open gestures — palms visible, arms uncrossed.
Lean in slightly, nod while listening.

❌ What not to do:

Over-smiling or laughing at everything (comes across as try-hard).
Hovering too close (signals neediness, not warmth).
Constantly apologizing (“Sorry, sorry, sorry”) → drains authority.

The Competence Factor

Competence signals: I’m capable, I’m confident, I know my stuff.

✅ What to do:

Steady posture and grounded stance.
Downward intonation at the end of sentences (sounds definitive).
Calm, intentional gestures instead of fidgeting.

❌ What not to do:

Talking too fast or filling silence with “um/like.”
Crossing arms with a stern face (reads as cold, not competent).
Overcompensating with big, forceful gestures (signals insecurity).

The Charisma Sweet Spot

Charisma happens when you balance both.

Warmth opens the door.
Competence keeps you in the room.

It’s not about being fake — it’s about adjusting your cues so people feel both connection and respect.

Quick Self-Check: Which One Do You Lead With?

Vanessa Van Edwards created a fun quiz to help you see if you naturally lean warmer or more competent — and how to balance the two for maximum charisma.

👉 Take the quiz here: The Charisma Quiz https://www.scienceofpeople.com/charisma/

Bottom Line

You don’t have to be born charismatic. Charisma is a skill, and like any skill, it can be learned. When you combine warmth and competence, you become the kind of person people can’t help but remember.

Want to Learn More?

If you want to go deeper, grab her book: Cues: Master the Secret Language of Charismatic Communication. https://www.amazon.com/Cues-Master-Language-Charismatic-Communication/dp/B097CBT6FB