Friendship is the New Dating

Dawn Westrum
Nov 25
3 min read

Dating apps, blind dates, swiping right… all of it gets a ton of attention. But let’s be honest: making adult friends is just as hard — maybe harder. And unlike dating, there’s no Bumble BFF tutorial to guide you. Most of us are winging it, hoping the people we meet at work, the gym, or our kid’s soccer game turn out to be our tribe.

The truth? Friendship is a lot like dating. It happens in levels, it requires intention, and yes — sometimes you need to “interview” people to see if they belong in your circle.

Levels of Friendship: From “Hey” to “Hell Yes”

Think of friendships in tiers:

Acquaintance – You know their name and nod at them in the grocery store.
Casual friend – You’d grab coffee together, but probably wouldn’t call them when your car breaks down.
Close friend – They know your quirks, your dog’s name, and what kind of pizza you like.
Ride-or-die – The 2 a.m. phone call crew. They show up, no questions asked.

Moving people up (or down) the ladder often comes down to cues. Body language, consistency, and energy don’t lie. Someone who leans in when you’re talking, mirrors your gestures, or lights up when you walk into the room? They’re probably ready for the next tier.

Interviewing Friends (Yes, Really)

Stop treating friendship like a passive accident. If dating deserves thoughtful questions, why not friendship? Next time you’re with someone new, try asking:

“What’s your version of a perfect Saturday?”
“What’s something you geek out about?”
“What kind of people do you feel most energized around?”

These questions weed out the small talkers and fast-track you to people who might actually get you.

Adventure Dates: The Ultimate Friend Filter

This is where Vanessa Van Edwards drops some gold in Cues: take your potential friends on an “adventure date.” Not skydiving (unless you’re into that), but something quirky and slightly outside the norm.

Try a funky ethnic restaurant, a live improv show, or a pottery class. Here’s the trick: people’s reactions reveal everything.

If they’re game, curious, and willing to dive in → these are your people.
If they complain, nitpick, or look like they’d rather be watching Netflix → maybe not friendship material.

Adventure dates are a shortcut to see who’s adventurous, adaptable, and fun — and who’s going to suck the life out of your Saturday nights.

Friendship Cues that Build Trust Fast

Want to pass someone else’s “friend interview”? Start here:

Open palms – unconsciously signals honesty and warmth.
Relaxed shoulders – confidence without arrogance.
Nodding while listening – shows you’re engaged, not waiting for your turn to talk.

On the flip side: crossed arms, fake smiles, or one-word answers are giant neon signs that say, “This connection isn’t happening.”

Bottom Line

Making friends as an adult doesn’t happen by accident. It takes a little strategy, a little intention, and the guts to filter out the wrong people quickly. Treat it like dating — ask questions, pay attention to cues, and take people on mini-adventures.

Because the right friends don’t just pass the vibe check — they elevate it.