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Attachment Theory

Are you a confident overachiever?


Are you afraid to try because you might fail?

Have you ever wondered why you react the way you do in stressful situations?

How you could be so different from your siblings, friends, or spouse?

Did you know a lot of your right brain development and emotional attachments took place before you even learned to speak? 

Attachment theory is a way of describing how early childhood experiences affect the choices we make as adults. It explains how we relate to the world around us.  Our right and left brains were making choices for our health even as tiny babies. Sometimes our brains didn’t make all the connections they could have, in order to preserve our mental health. 

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Children (50% of population) with secure attachments had caregivers who provided a consistent sense of love and security.  This allowed both right and left brains to develop normally and work together.   

Children (24% of population) with avoidant attachments had caregivers who weren’t always there when they were needed.  The child learned to do things for themselves and rely less on others.  The left brain in these individuals is emphasized. As adults they tend to be independent, outwardly confident, and avoid conflict. 

Children (24% of population) with anxious attachments had caregivers who sometimes gave care. However, sometimes they asked the child to care for their adult needs instead.  The child was never sure what would be required of them. The right brain in these individuals is emphasized.  As adults, they tend to be insecure, fearful, and need reassurance. 

Children (2% of population) with disorganized attachments had caregivers who both provided for their needs yet were physically or emotionally abusive.   This leads to forms of developmental trauma. As adults, they tend to be inconsistent and ambivalent in relationships.

The good news is that our brains are never static.  It’s never too late to try and change.  We can make new neuron connections between our right and left brains and learn to be more balanced.  This is possible through meditation, neurofeedback, counseling, self-care, and conversations with good friends.  The best way to start is by learning more about yourself, and how you came to be the way you are. 

For a better explanation of attachment theory, I highly suggest listening to The Place We Find Ourselves podcast.   Adam Young has a great way of making sense of difficult topics. Start with the three episodes below, and then decide if you want to hear more!

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